


We Should Be Woo'd

by Ninjababe



Series: Darcy Lewis, Vampire Slayer (Semi-Retired) [17]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Crossover, lighthearted frolic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-05
Updated: 2013-10-05
Packaged: 2017-12-28 11:21:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/991440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ninjababe/pseuds/Ninjababe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor brings a proposal from Asgard to Earth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Should Be Woo'd

"Son of Coul of Midgard. My parents bade me to lay this in your hands," Thor intoned seriously as he held out an ornate scroll case.

Raising his eyebrows, Coulson took the case and carefully opened it. "How was your trip, Thor?"

"Eventful," Thor shortly replied, still looking serious as Coulson stared at the scroll covered in runes.

"I'm not fluent in written Asgardian," Coulson pointed out.

Holding a hand out, Thor asked, "May I?"

Carefully unfurling the scroll he was handed, Thor started to read aloud. "Phillip, Coul's Son, I request your permission for a courtship to commence between Loki, son of Odin, to your charge, the lady warrior Darcy, in the hopes of a possible alliance between our realms." Clearing his throat, Thor looked up from his translation. "It goes on to discuss points to be considered if you agree to this contract, and is signed by my father." 

Coulson blinked a few times, his version of supreme shock.

Thor sighed as he replaced the scroll into its case. "I am sorry, my friend. This is the idea of my dear mother. She has decided that, since a relationship with a Midgardian woman was such a benefit for myself, it could only help my brother. When she started to plan, my father sighed and sat down to write the scroll. I'm to bring your answer on my next trip."

Calmly placing the scroll case on his desk, Coulson stared at it as if it was going to explode. "I see… If you don't mind, I'll have this translated onto paper for further review."

Thor nodded. "I will leave you to your work."

=====

Tony leered. "You and Loki?"

Darcy glared at Tony over her glasses.

"It could work," Tony continued, still leering as he wandered off.

Turning to where Steve was sitting in a corner and sketching, she raised an eyebrow.

Steve looked thoughtful. "It took a while to get my head around it. But, think of the possible good you could do with him." 

"I am not a honeypot!" Darcy growled out. "I will not close my eyes and think of England!"

Stomping off, she ignored the confused man behind her and soon came across Natasha and Clint.

Natasha put her hands on Darcy's shoulders and looked serious. "I'm sure one of the untraceable poisons I know will work." 

Clint grinned ferally. "Go along with it. Then, when you two are alone, gut him." 

Rolling her eyes, Darcy wandered off to bother Bruce in his lab.

After listening to her complaints, Bruce shrugged. "I don't know, Darcy. This could be a good thing. Think about it. And, it isn't set in stone. You could break it off later." 

Throwing her arms into the air, Darcy stomped off and ignored Pepper and Jane giggling in Jane's lab as they looked through wedding magazines.

Seeing Coulson at the end of the hall, Darcy stomped over. "I don't care that SHIELD's official stance on this is to give it a try, I'm telling you now..."

=====

Darcy sat up in her bed with an aborted scream from her nightmare.

Fumbling for the phone on her bedside table, she hit the speed dial for Coulson. 

The phone was promptly answered and a calm male voice stated, "Coulson."

"I am NOT dating Loki! Ever!" Darcy yelled into the phone before hanging up and flinging herself back into lying down. Putting her phone back onto its cradle, she ignored the time flashing on the screen, showing it was two fifteen in the morning.

=====

Darcy refused to explain the reasoning behind her early morning phone call, and Coulson finally let the subject go.

A few days later, Thor entered his office and formally held out an ornate scroll case.

**Author's Note:**

> The line "Are you sure you won't court Loki? Look how much a Midgardian woman helped Thor!" has been sitting in my Slayer Darcy story ideas file since almost the beginning of this universe. Then, a few days ago, I figured how to put it into a story.
> 
> I did some quick research on honeypots and "Lie back and think of England". The term honeypot didn't seem to exist until the Cold War, and "think of England" seems to be first written down in 1912, in England. So, it's possible that Steve doesn't know the phrase…
> 
> "We should be woo'd" is the beginning of a Shakespeare line from Midsummer Night's Dream.


End file.
